Ah, the Good 'ol Days

My daughter asked me yesterday, “When you were a little girl did you read from scrolls?” In other words, are you so old that books hadn’t been invented yet when you were my age?

Huh?

Excuse me for a minute while I find my dentures. Things have changed from my generation to theirs, but not that much. Have they?

I love having my kids home for the summer. I truly do. But these past few months have caused me to wonder: who was the first kid to utter the words I’m bored. I know I said them as a kid. A lot. I’m pretty sure my parents did, too. Not quite as certain about my grandparents. Did pioneer kids grumble I’m bored? Probably not. They were probably too busy splitting firewood and warding off wolves. Does the phrase go back as far as Cain and Abel, or is I’m bored a sign of our modern times?

And I wonder if parents throughout time respond like I do: “How can you be bored with all of this stuff?”

My kids own plenty of things to keep them entertained, including DVD’s. I know I’ve told my kids that back in my day, I was only able to watch my favorite movie, “The Wizard of Oz” once a year on a low definition, black and white rabbit ear set, which kind of puts a damper on the whole spectacular-ness of munchkin land. (Until I was around eight and we got a color TV. I sure could relate to Dorothy’s delighted surprise then.)

I’ve also told my kids that counting cows from the car window is entertainment.

Don’t get me wrong; I am not anti-gadget or anti-technology. During our long drive to South Dakota this summer I thanked my lucky stars when the kids sat glaze-eyed in front of Tangled. And I love the ease and accessibility of the Internet. Just this morning I was able to find over a hundred hits for “Vietnamese Chicken”. So in no way am I advocating the halt of technology or that we live in caves. But striking a balance between the curses and blesses of modern day and “the good old days” (which I realize is a bit relative) can be tricky.

The words “Do something creative!” have passed my lips a few times this summer. TV and video games are fine, even fun, but I also want my kids to understand that we were, in part, created to create, not just consume.

Instead of watching a video, make a video. Or draw a comic strip. Or paint a piece of wood. Of play store. Or school. Or play with Star Wars figures/Polly Pockets. Or make cupcakes. Or play a song. Or go outside and look for treasures, ie rocks and feathers and pinecones.

If I’m honest, these activities are harder to do because not only do they require more from my kids, they require more from me as a mom. And creative activities will most likely lead to some level of frustration- both for child and parent- and undoubtedly lead to a big, giant mess. Hands down, it’s much easier on me when my kids are in front of the TV (Which they are plenty. Right at this moment, actually. Trust me, I have not “conquered” anything.)

And as my son nears adolescence, it’s getting harder and harder to veer him into anything that doesn’t require electricity. Even my six year old pulled out her Sponge Bob toy from her happy meal the other day, set it on the table, and asked, “But what does it do?”

Whatever you want him to do, Darling. You play with it. You get to be a creator.

So you think you want to write...

A few people have recently asked me about writing/publishing. By no means do I consider myself an expert, but I have learned a few things along the way that I’m happy to pass on.

I have a great idea for an article/book. Where do I start?

This may sound ridiculously simple but start by writing. Don’t worry that your first draft will be appalling; it will be. The purpose of the first draft is to get the idea out of your head and onto paper and ultimately the paper into the scrap paper drawer so your kids can make paper airplanes with all of those words you sweated over. (Anne Lamott has a whole chapter in her book Bird by Bird that talks about crappy first drafts. Although she’s a bit more crass.) You can’t fix and polish what doesn’t exist so write your idea into existence and don’t worry if it’s dreadful.

How do I become a better writer and/or learn about publishing?

• Read, read, read what you hope to publish. If you want to publish scholarly articles, read scholarly articles. And read books on writing and publishing. Three of my favs are Stein on Writing by Sol Stein, Novel Idea by various authors, and Bird by Bird by Ann Lamott.

• Go to writer’s conferences and/or get a critique partner. Like any other industry, the publishing industry has a jargon and protocol all of its own. Yes, conferences are an investment. But in my experience, they’ve been worth it.

• Be teachable. Be an eager little sponge. If you do go to a conference soak up as much wisdom as you can from those who are doing what you aspire to do. Don’t worry so much about “selling yourself and your book”. Listen and learn.

• Most importantly: Get your rump in the chair and write. No one picks up a violin and expects to play Vivaldi spotlessly without a whole lot of practice. Same with writing. Since we all grew up learning to write in school we tend to think we already “know how to write”. But writing for an audience is different than pouring out your heart in a journal (a valuable pursuit nonetheless) and pursuing publication takes skill- a learned skill. And practice. Lots and lots of practice. Did I already mention that? Jon Hersey says it best: “To be a writer is to throw away a great deal, not to be satisfied, to type again, and then again and once more, and over and over.”

• Don’t be afraid to start small. I bristled when someone at a writer’s conference said to focus on articles and short stories before attempting a whole book but in the end she was right. Not only will your writing improve, but you’ll build your credentials and platform, bolster your confidence with “smaller successes”, and learn how to handle rejection. Which brings me to the next question:

What if I get rejected?

Um… it’s not if, it’s when. You will be rejected. Many, many times. It will hurt. A lot at first and then you’ll get used to it and then you’ll begin to value it (sort of) because if you’re smart and serious about writing, it will push you to do better. 

How do I go about pursuing publication?

First browse bookstores, libraries and the Internet. If you’re interested in writing for children, read lots of children’s books. Not only does this rouse your creative juices but agents and editors will expect a market analysis of already published works similar to yours when you get ready to send out a proposal.

If you are at the point where you want to submit work to a editor, give them exactly what they want. Usually you can find writer’s guidelines on a publisher’s website. (Type in “Writer’s Guidelines” in the search box. Brilliant, eh?) If they want an article under 600 words, don’t give them 601 words. If they only want a query letter, only send them a query letter. If they want you to sing Lady of Spain while standing on your head after submitting then… well… good luck with that.

Writers’ Market Guides are invaluable resources. You can purchase them online or in the reference section of the library. They’ll tell you what specific publishers are looking for and how to submit.

I want to write but I don’t know what.

Write in your hot spot. Write about what makes your blood boil or your heart beat faster or you eyes well up with tears. Write because you love to write. If you don’t love to write, don’t write. It won’t be worth it for you. I would have made way more money working at McDonalds this past year than I did with my writing so only write if you must write. And if you find that you simply have to write, write in your passion zone.

Have a comment or question I didn’t address? Post it on this blog and I’d love to chat about it! 

Goodbye Tilly

We had to put our dog to sleep today which, as my son pointed out, is just a nice way of saying she died. She was old and sick and quickly losing control over bodily functions, and it was time.

As I write this, Tilly is not sitting at my feet under my desk. Taking a walk seems pretty pointless. And I don’t know who will be my silent sounding board for my writing ideas. She never interrupted. Never criticized my ideas. Just listened patiently, occasionally offering a sigh of contemplation.

We are very sad. I am sad about Tilly, our sweet, old dog, and I’m sad as I watch my children carry their sadness. I cannot shield them from such sadness, and I cannot make it better, for death, even when it’s “just an animal” is just… plain… sad.

Today our family gathered by Tilly’s gravesite behind our house. We placed stones of remembrance, sprinkled the earth with flowers, and I read a very simple poem I penned:

For Tilly:

Death is a hollow void,

Where something used to be.

A heavy stone of emptiness that yearns to be set free.

Death is an earthly thing,

Falls on anything with breath.

People, plants, and seasons, and our beloved pets.

Death is not what was meant to be,

When God created life.

But time on earth is but a moment, a step toward paradise.

Death has been defeated,

Someday it will be no more.

For when our Lord died in our place, he rose- the veil was torn.

Life is what is eternal,

Our souls were made to thrive.

Heaven is our tearless home, when what is dead will rise.

We will miss you Tilly, our sweet, smiling, always-underfoot dog. Thank you for being so good with our kids. We are grateful you were a part of our lives.

Breaking Up with Joe

I’ve had to say goodbye to a good friend recently. To a dear, bold companion. My steaming cup ‘o joe. My beloved coffee. Sigh. Parting is such sorrow. (Notice I omitted sweet.)

Before you think this decision is some testament to my discipline or that it’s is rooted in some deeper spiritual meaning, I’ll tell you right off the bat, it’s purely for digestive reasons. I’m only doing this because my GI tract indubitably demanded it. And so far, my intestines and stomach have been much happier organs now that Joe has left the building. My taste buds are crying out unfair but my stomach is telling them to suck it up and deal with it.

My husband got me hooked on coffee twelve years ago. Come to think of it, that’s not entirely true. It was my son to be exact, when I was carrying him. (Funny how even in utero our children have that kind of power.) Most women lose their taste for coffee during pregnancy but mine was just revving up. The rich aroma of Doug’s coffee actually soothed my precarious stomach in those early months- that and lemon heads- and I eventually started drinking it. Loaded with sugar and cream at first but as the years went by, I gave up the additives and craved pure, unadulterated coffee.

But now, for whatever reason, coffee just isn’t “working” for me anymore.

So now I start the morning with a nice cup of hot lemon water. Or herbal tea. And I tell myself that it’s just as good. And when my husband’s not looking, I hover my face over his coffee cup and inhale the steam. And just to prove this isn’t legalistic, I sometimes cheat. Like this Sunday afternoon, when  I savored a quarter of a cup of French Roast while lounging on the couch reading Kathryn Stockett’s “The Help”. Pure heaven.

It’s clearly good for me, this coffee deprival, but I still fall into whining. The first two weeks of my fast I’d pass a Starbucks and burst into tears.

I’m over that now. I’m over Joe. You know what? He wasn’t such hot stuff after all. Sure, he was charming. Sure he was lovely and comforting and exhilarating, all wrapped in one. But so is my lemon water.

At least that’s what I’m telling myself.

A Pencil Box full of Scabs

When I was in the third grade a boy name Brent Something-Or-Other wanted to give me a rather startling gift: his  pencil box full of scabs. Yes, scabs. The kind you see branded across kids knees. That kind your mother told you not to pick or else they might scar. He’d been saving them all year, he boasted, and he wanted to give them to none other than little ‘ol me. I’m not sure if he was serious, or playing an icky-nine-year-old-boy joke, or if had emotional problems and, being as shy as I was, I never discovered his intent. Although it was clear from his abundant pencil box, he’d had his fair share of scrapes and falls over the school year.

Eeeeeew. I know. I’m sorry. The lengths I go to make an analogy.

Sometimes when I’ve found, in my opinion, a nifty men’s sweater at Kohls, I have to pause and ask myself: Is this a gift my husband would truly want, or is it merely a pencil box full of scabs? In other words, would the intended receiver desire this, or is it just something I’d like to give, something I like and want him/her to wear/watch/read/own?

Like an American Girl doll. I really, really want one. A sweet little dark haired Asian doll that looks like my daughter. At this point, my daughter couldn’t care less. (And yes, I realize the money I’m saving on this one.) Or years ago when my son was in pre-school and I obsessed over all the Fisher Price town pieces: the farm, the airplane, the gas station, the school…. It’s sad when a mother has to bribe her youngster to play “Little People” with her. (“Please, please, please? I’ll let you be the fireman?”)

An object becomes a gift when its receiver deems it valuable.

Mother’s Day is coming up. And of course any old thing my kids wrap up and put in my hands will be just perfect because honestly, when it comes to our babies, we moms are suckers for sentimentality. You picked out this rock all by yourself? I absolutely love it! How did you know?

So on this Mother’s Day, enjoy your bouquet of weeds, your denser than a rock but made with love cake, your gargantuan earrings that will stretch your earlobes like taffy, your macaroni necklace that leaves traces of paint on your collarbone. These are the gifts of incalculable value. That little sticky faced giver is what makes the gift "just perfect". 

And as for all the other not-from-our-kids gifts we receive that fall short, someone came up with a brilliant catchall phrase: it’s the thought that counts.

Sure. Okay. But I still can’t apply that to Brent. 

Accepting Rejection and Running On

Someone recently asked me if, as a freelance writer, I ever get rejected.

I’m still laughing.

The reality is, I get rejections all the time. Less than I used to but still plenty to keep me humble and motivated to hone my craft.

In 2004 I received my first “acceptance” to a paying publication. They sent me ten copies of the magazine and a twenty-five dollar check. I’m pretty certain I kissed that check. Not because of its monetary value but because I felt so utterly validated. Rejection is just part of the writing game. You get used to it. You develop an alligator skin. So when a “yes” comes along you celebrate it. You take a deep sigh of relief that maybe, just maybe, you can call yourself a writer after all.  

In honor of Good Friday, I’m posting my first little published piece that technically can’t even be called an article. It appeared in the March 2004 edition of The Lookout (not to be confused with the watchtower!) Good Friday service is my all time favorite service in the entire year. Yes, it’s somber. Yes it’s heavy. But man oh man, it sure does get me ready to celebrate that empty tomb. Enjoy!

Run to the Cross

As I sat next to my squirming three-year-old at our church’s Good Friday service, I tried to explain to him why we were covering the cross at the front of the church with black ribbons. 

         “We’re pretending,” I finally said, realizing my theological explanations were in vain, “that this cloth represents the bad things we do.  We’re fastening them to the cross to show that Jesus died to take them away.”

         After we attached our cloth and returned to our seats, I felt a tug on my sweater. “Mama, I want to see the cross again.”

         Usually my son wouldn’t stray more than a few feet from my side so I helped him out or his seat, expecting him to stand near the aisle and gaze from afar.  But when his feet hit the floor he ran up the center aisle, his eyes fixed on the cross.  As I watched him gaze up at the blackened cross in wonder my initial embarrassment vanished.  He had done what I pray he’ll do for the rest of his life- run unashamedly to the cross.

“Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross.” (Hebrews 12:1, 2)

Spring is a Diva

This March, like every other March I suppose, I’m skeptical that Spring will make good on its promise to arrive. In fact, Spring seems to be turning into a bit of a diva, like a teenager who will only make an appearance when they're fashionably late. Spring has taunted us with flashes of green grass and Robin Red Breasts. But just when we’re putting the boots away… “Just kidding!” Spring pelts us with snow like a pie in the face before dashing off again.

Ah, Spring. You little tease.

If you are blessed to live in the southern part of Wisconsin or in another state altogether, (you lucky, lucky, bird) you won’t fully understand this blog. You might tell me to buck up. Quit my whining. But I can tell by the snow-encrusted driveways and sidewalks I pass along my hometown streets that I’m not alone in my grumblings. We’ve just plain given up on shoveling. You can come to my house for a visit but from here on out, it’s at your own risk. Maybe bring some salt.

To add insult to injury, my daughter’s favorite past time of late is making ice. Lots of it.  My refrigerator is lined with various sizes of cups of ice. As if there’s not enough outside. Of course just last week as she and her brother were home for “Spring Break”, (hilarious) she turned to me, adamantly and said, “You said we could get ice cream at Belts on Spring break.”

“No,” I corrected her. “I said we could go to Belts when it’s Spring, once the snow melts.”

She looked out the window in despair. I promised her we’d go in June. Or July at the very latest, but that we’d just have to wait. This made her angry. I told her I was sorry and asked her if she wanted to make more ice.

I’m not so good at this waiting thing either.

And yet waiting seems to make up such a big chunk of life. Seems like I’m always waiting for something, for the toast to pop or the light to change. And those are the small things. I've waited for big things too like waiting to finish high school, waiting to finish college, waiting to get married, to get pregnant, waiting to have the baby, for the baby to be potty trained…. You get the picture. It never ends.

There have been times when I’m simply in the moment, not trying to peek around the corner. I’m not waiting when I’m...

Screaming on a rollercoaster

holding a sleeping baby

utterly engrossed in a good book/movie

laughing hysterically

eating something overwhelmingly good

deep in conversation

I know Spring will come. It came last year, and the year before that and the year before that. So I’m not hopelessly waiting, I’m waiting with hope.

With my flip-flops on.